The Wisdom of Homer Simpson

I’m a fan of the Simpsons. I was there from its inception as a prime-time animated series in 1989.

My parents actually allowed me to tune in every week. I knew of many other kids who were denied this liberty.

The show has had a good run. Over the past 20+ years Lisa has become more sanctimonious, Bart is now a bit more dimwitted, and Marge is a little more selfish (I don’t blame her), and Homer has grown more boorish. These characters were bound to evolve to these levels though. But a show doesn’t run for two decades without evolving their characters in some way.

In the early days of this iconic series, Homer was not as much of a clod as he is now portrayed. Every now and again he would espouse a certain naive wisdom, sandwiched between a few gags (fewer than more recent episodes).

That is the Homer I love.

I’ve selected a few of the more choice lines that have stuck with me over the years. Each one lends a little life lesson. You may miss the satirical humor that the early seasons demonstrated, so I encourage you to find a copy and enjoy the context of these lines.

1) “Just because I don’t care, doesn’t mean I don’t understand.” (Season 3, “Lisa’s Substitute”)
Sympathy and empathy, this line was a reminder that there’s a difference between the two. Homer rarely demonstrated the latter. He had his moments, though, where he exhibited a small degree of empathy. By the end of this episode he was practically oozing it.

2) “Well, crying won’t bring him back…unless your tears smell like dog food. So either you can sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back or you can go out there and find your dog.” (Season 3, “Dog of Death”)
It’s interesting how Homer’s pearls of wisdom are often in direct contrast to his standard behavior. This little bit of fatherly advice to Bart bespeaks of determination and initiative. Homer has never been the kind of character to naturally exhibit either one.

3) “A mountain of sugar is just too much for one man. It’s clear now why God portions it out in those tiny packets and why he lives on  a plantation in Hawaii.” (Season 6, “Lisa’s Rival”)
There is something to be said about pining for prosperity that is bigger than one person can handle. Homer said it very well in this episode. This line about allotments is probably one of the most sagacious things Homer has uttered (in my opinion).

4) “You can’t keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once then move on.” (Season 8, “A Milhouse Divided”)
This line is a practical moment from Homer. In his own Dr. Phil-like way, he presents Marge with a reasonable argument against lingering on fault. This line also typified how Homer was blunt without being ‘in your face.’

5) “I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.” (Season 8, “Homer’s Phobia”)
This line is a personal favorite. The delivery alone invites a chuckle. There’s also a message here. Aim for life that is not situated at lukewarm. Excess isn’t the lesson, but phenomena marked with passion is.

And that’s the wisdom of Homer Simpson. In closing…D’oh!

The Cinematic Influence (a satirical piece).

The medium of motion pictures is a wonderful vehicle for stories. You hear and see the elements together. I’m waiting for the day when I can smell them too.

The power of this medium has been decried decade after decade.
I have felt the influence of this medium in my own life. I have five (I know: a list) examples that come to mind right off the top of my head. Here are the five things that movies have convinced me NOT to do…

1)      Back pack or even visit Eastern Europe

Where did this extreme notion come from? Have you seen Hostel II? There was a first, but I haven’t seen it. I got to the sequel first, so that’s my frame of reference. If you haven’t partaken of this piece of gory cinema, then visit Eastern Europe first. Watch the movie after you’ve landed safely back in the States. This so called “torture porn” will drive the desire right from you.

Why? Well, first the creepy gang of kids that seem to be conveniently placed at every turn. These Slovakian rug-rats don’t even flinch at violent death. Watch them as the kick around a decapitated head like some kind of soccer ball.

At least the kids in Mexico only try to sell you Chiclets.

Add to the list of reasons, as demonstrated by this movie, not to visit this region of the world: creepy stalkers, human trafficking, lawless businessmen. I could go on with misplaced assumptions. The point: I would rather be victim to LA gang violence than to fall prey to torturous millionaires who get off on bathing in fresh human blood or slowly feasting on seared human muscle. No thank you!

2)      Use a Tanning Bed

This is one that I’m thankful to have listed. I don’t know what’s worse, getting stuck in a tanning bed and burning to death or doctor’s bills? I have to confess that when I think of medical bills I shake with fear. The prospect of paying thousands of dollars to have melanoma removed from my skin frightens me, maybe even less than going up in flames. Having medical bills hang over my head is like a death sentence that is exacted once a month, But thanks to Final Destination 3 that scenario is a just a distant day dream. After seeing two oblivious girls get trapped in their tanning beds (a strand of innocuous circumstances binds them in there then sets the beds aflame), I’m perfectly fine avoiding these purveyors of faux sunshine.

A “Final Destination Moment” is when you just know something bad is going to go down and you’re gonna die because of it.

3)      Live in North Dakota

Officer Marge Gunderson sits in her patrol car with the culprit detained in the back as she utters these poignant words: “There’s more to life than a little money, you know. Don’tcha know that? And here ya are, and it’s beautiful day.”

“Beautiful” is really subjective. Like, REALLY

If that beautiful day was an average day in January, in North Dakota, then it would have been about 4 degrees below zero at the time. Where I come from (California) a beautiful day is about 75-80 degrees with a nice, dry atmosphere. Leave the humidity back east.

And after that scene from the (genius) Cohen Brothers’ “Fargo,” I will never move to North Dakota. I may be jumping to an irrational conclusion. I mean, look at California’s economy: a $25 billion shortfall in 2010, and a peak unemployment rate of 12.5%. The weather is really the only reason keeping me from fleeing to North Dakota (where the state enjoys a $1billion dollar surplus and an unemployment rate that hasn’t peaked above 5% in a couple of decades). I would be hard pressed to leave my homeland though. Thanks Fargo for giving me a glimpse into the flat land (and living) that is North Dakota.

4)      Leave the Group

You’ve been on a tour, right? You’ve been guided through foreign territory? There’s a reason you stay with the group. Parameters are one of those concepts that should not be shunned. They should be embraced. Boundaries are there for a reason. That poor couple in 2003’s “Open Water” was a great object lesson in the importance of staying with the group. I had that care-free, adventurous (and obnoxious) attitude that “the group” did not apply to me. Well, after seeing a couple become fish food over the course of several grueling hours, I have a new respect for the directive to “Please, stay with the group.”

You really should pay more attention to the tour guide next time.

5)      Take a Short Cut

This is an understandable…error. You’re on a road trip hauling a silver-dome camper with your entire family including that new baby. Of course a short-cut is going to be a tempting offer. After seeing “The Hills Have Eyes,” I have completely dismissed the phrase “short-cut” from my vocabulary. I don’t even use short-keys for fear of getting lost and happening into the territory of nuclear test monsters with rusty blades and chains. I’d rather die in a tanning bed than at the hands of a hungry cannibal. I’m taking a lesson from the Carters and sticking to what’s on the map. I’ll face the long hours behind the wheel just to avoid the adventure of trying to escape one psychotic Papa Jupiter or even worse…Big Brain (shudder).

The only one who wants you to take that short-cut is this guy.